And I Am Not Afraid
by XSerendipity92X
Summary: Because even former Evil Queens are not immune. With the support of her family Regina must fight a war against her own body, no matter how terrified she is. Fourth story to my Snow Queen series. Takes place after "You're the Girl I used to Be"
1. Prologue

**OK, I'm back lol After seeing last nights episode with Snow and Regina I decided to stop being lazy and start writing again. This is the fourth story to my Snow Queen series. It was inspired by a song for a dance call "living with the ribbon" on the show "dance moms". The song is called "lean in" but I have no idea who the artist is. I'll post the link on my account though and also on tumblr which is xserendipty92x.**

**But anyway, enjoy and I'll update soon :)**

**Please review!**

* * *

Title – And I Am Not Afraid

Setting – Three years after "You're The Girl I Used To Be"

Prologue

Her father was drinking. She watched from the corner of the room as he drank straight from the bottle. He knew she was there, that his eight year old daughter was watching but he didn't care because in the other room his wife, Dana was dying… his daughter's mother.

She was leaving and he didn't know what to do with a little girl he barely took the time to know. It made him angry and also afraid of what the future will bring. How was he supposed to raise this girl? How was he supposed to put clothes on her back or food in her belly? He was the village drunk… He shouldn't be responsible for a child.

The doctor came out then and after he had explained that they didn't have much time he beckoned Cora from her hiding spot and took her hand. As he led her to her mother her eyes never did leave her silent father before entering her mother's room.

She couldn't understand the words the doctor said… words like cancer and disease. All she knew was that it was taking her mother and she watched with wide fearful eyes as her mother turned to her. She was pale and listless but she managed to give her daughter one tiny smile of comfort.

"Go on, child," the doctor said, nudging the little girl forward and it wasn't until she slowly approached the side of the bed then he take his leave to give them some privacy.

"Mama, what's happening," she asked, clearly not understanding what was going on.

"I'm sick, baby." Her voice was weak and hoarse and it took strength that she barely had to even speak.

"But you'll get better… won't you?" she asked, her eyes full of uncertainty and her mother could see the fear.

"Come here little one," Dana whispered and Cora carefully climbed on the bed and snuggled into her mother's arms. Neither knew that these were the last days that Cora's heart would remain pure. The days that would follow after this moment would turn the little girl cold, dark, angry at the whole world and eventually she would become literally heartless.

"I'm sick Cora and this disease I have doesn't have a cure."

"But you could fight it mommy!" she protested, her small hands tightening on her mother's nightgown. "Don't leave me! You can't leave me with him."

"I've fought long and hard. It's time for me to let go but I'll always be with you. I love you Cora, my daughter. My beautiful, beautiful daughter. Take care of your father, for he will be lost for some time and then when you are older you will get out of this village and make a life for yourself. Don't let anything, not even love hold you back." Those last words were stern and Cora nodded. She knew she would have to work hard to respect her mother's wishes… to get out of this damn town and find a life of comfort.

"I promise mommy but please don't go, please. I don't want you to leave me!" she cried, burying her face into her mother's neck as she cried. Dana didn't speak. She just held her daughter and didn't stop her own tears from streaming down her cheeks.

Cora didn't know how long she had laid there but the moment she felt her mother take that last breath she knew…

Her mother was gone.

Nothing would ever be the same.


	2. Chapter 1 Believe Me When I Say That

"_And I am not afraid,_

_When you are with me_

_When you are with me_

_I'm blessed by everyday,_

_That you are with me_

_That you are with me  
_

_And if I am still standing,_

_I'll turn and face the wind_

_But if I am still standing,_

_I might as well lean in_

_Might as well lean in"_

_Lean In, Artist/Singer Unknown_

Chapter 1 Believe Me When I Say That

"That's it sweetie, be gentle," Regina said softly. She stood behind her four year old daughter who stood on the stool to brush Black Heart's pelt. It was early in the morning and Regina had just started taking Ivy with her to take care of Black Heart in the mornings. She wanted to teach her daughter to ride and in order to do that she needed to get Ivy used to being around horses.

"You're doing such a good job," she praised her, not missing the little grin appearing on Ivy's lips. She had grown so fast these past few years. It seemed like only yesterday she had just given birth to her and now here they were in the stables, teaching her daughter how to care for these trusting gentle creatures that she loved so much. Ivy was dressed in jeans and bundled up in a purple jacket and boots. Her dark hair was tied in the pigtails that Snow had showed her months back and even though Regina despised them Ivy loved them so she tied her daughter's hair in pigtails just because it made her little girl happy.

"I want to ride him too mommy. Just like you," she stated, looking up at her mother with the same dark brown eyes and Regina smiled.

"Soon dear, when you're old enough," she said as she lifted her from the stool and carried her out of the stall before setting her down to lock it. It was Thanksgiving morning, a holiday that they didn't celebrate in their land but because of the fake memories the curse had given everyone, it was now celebrated. She had made plans with Snow to cook the dinner at the mansion and they needed to get home now if she wanted to meet Snow on time.

"But when will I be old enough? Tomorrow?" she asked and Regina chuckled at her daughter's silliness. She affectionately patted Black Heart's muzzle before turning away and kneeling to her daughter's level.

"What did I tell you yesterday?"

"The horse will tell me," she answered proudly that she remembered.

"Exactly and maybe we'll wait a couple of years first," she said, tapping her nose and standing.

"Alright," the 4 year old groaned as Regina took her hand, leading her out of the stables. Ivy turned and waved at the dark horse that her mother loved so much. "See you tomorrow Black Heart."

* * *

Regina had never been so nervous. Jason's family were flying in and this was the first time they were coming to Storybrooke. For the sake of the town's safety, Regina and Jason both decided not to tell them about the curse or the fact that the whole town were all fairytale characters. They weren't sure how his parents were going to take it especially the part where Jason was in love with the former Evil Queen so they decided it was going to remain a secret. Regina had even gone through the plans with her own family, telling them that she, Snow, and Emma had to pretend they were all sisters around Jason's family just like they did at the wedding.

Even with all the careful planning and long discussions on how to pull this off Regina was still extremely nervous. She had met his parents at the wedding and several occasions outside of Storybrooke so that they could meet Ivy but she never met his brother or his wife. What would she say to the girl that broke his heart and married his brother?

All these thoughts were going through her head as she made the pies that morning after taking Ivy to the stables. As she sat at the island peeling the apples Snow walked in with a bag of groceries. Even though Regina was expecting her, she didn't even notice her stepdaughter. Snow set down the bags and simply watched her before moving to stand next to her.

"You're thinking about it too much," she said, shaking Regina from her thoughts. She looked up at Snow, the worry for today clearly showing in her eyes.

"Sara is coming and his idiot brother," she practically growled, angrily peeling the apple in her hand. Snow only looked at her in confusion. She thought only his parents were coming and who was Sara?

"Honey, whose Sara?" Snow asked and Regina sighed in frustration as she put down the knife and apple.

"Sara was his wife before Jason caught her cheating on him with his brother. Now they're married and coming for dinner tomorrow."

"Wow, this is going to be one hell of a dinner," Snow muttered.

"I'm already worried about his parents coming here for the first time and now I have to sit at the same table with the girl that broke Jason's heart. What do I even say to her?" she asked and Snow could see the anxiety in her expression. She reached out, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Just be yourself," she advised softly and Regina smiled sinisterly at those words.

"Don't even think about it Regina," Snow said sternly, catching the mischievous glint in her eyes and that smile that reminded her of the Evil Queen.

"I have no idea what you're talking about dear," she said, that perfect smile never leaving her lips as she picked up the apple and continued to peel it.

"You know perfectly well," Snow laughed. "You're going to intimidate her with that mayor persona you have going on. Just don't scare her too much."

"I'll try not to," she smiled. "But I'm not making any promises."

"Snow, you're here!" Ivy suddenly shouted the moment she entered the kitchen and spotted her older stepsister. She ran to her, wrapping her small arms around Snow.

"Hi sweetie, I love your pigtails."

"Mommy did it," she said excitedly and Snow looked at Regina in surprise. She was avoiding her gaze, clearly embarrassed that she had done her daughters hair like that.

"I thought you said pigtails were ridiculous," she stated, trying to get Regina to look at her but instead she kept her eyes to the apple she was currently peeling.

"They are," she grumbled before suddenly realizing something for the first time since Snow entered her kitchen.

It was quiet… too quiet.

"Where's Avery?" she asked, not seeing the rambunctious two year old anywhere. He was a handful and Regina could see the exhaustion in her stepdaughter's eyes when she finally looked at her.

"He's with David. He didn't want me to be chasing him all over the house while trying to cook so much food," Snow answered, picking up an apple and observing it. This time she was the one avoiding her eyes and Regina smirked.

"You miss him don't you?" she asked and Snow put down the apple to look at her.

"I do! But I need a break. Does that make me a terrible mother Regina? He doesn't listen to me. He's great with David but with me it's like what I say goes in one ear and out the other."

"What that kid needs is a…" Regina grumbled bitterly before Snow interrupted her.

"Regina, that's my son!"

"Sorry… It's just he doesn't listen to me either dear."

"What are you talking about, you're great with him."

"He called mommy a big fat meanie yesterday," Ivy announced and Snow looked at Regina in shock.

"What? Why didn't you say anything when I picked him up?"

"I had just got him to sleep Snow. I didn't want to risk you waking him up and getting him upset."

"What happened?"

"He was tired and needed to go to bed and he didn't want to."

"You should have called us. We would have picked him up early," Snow said.

"And ruin the first date that you and David managed to go on in two years. It was just a little tantrum Snow. I handled it."

"And where was Jason?"

"He was there…" Regina mumbled, suddenly looking away and Ivy took that moment to speak up once again.

"They fought the whole time Avery was crying and screaming."

"Regina!" Snow admonished.

"What? We handled it after we fought on how to handle it," she said and suddenly Snow laughed.

"I don't find this funny dear," Regina said, her voice stern as she glared at her stepdaughter.

"Sorry it's just I never would have imagined we'd be sitting here discussing parenthood… I need sleep," she mumbled that last part and Regina smirked, her eyes flashing in amusement.

"Obviously," she said, shaking her head slowly in warm affection for the woman infront of her. Snow was right. She never would have thought they'd be here. She never thought she was would be in this point of their relationship where they would take care of each other's kids. "But Snow, if you and David ever need to get out again I don't mind taking Avery. He's a good kid, well most of the time when he's not screaming at me. And for the record, needing a break doesn't make you a bad parent."

"Really? Because I do love him Regina but sometimes it's just so hard."

"There's nothing wrong with needing a breather sometimes. It's natural Snow, believe me when I say that."

"Ok," she said, taking a breath and trying to calm the doubts rushing through her head. She had never got to raise Emma so raising Avery was a first for her and David and for their son to be so rambunctious at this age was like a never ending adventure. Still, even if it was hard, she wouldn't give it up for the world and she knew David wouldn't either.

"Hey, you do realize that Cora will be meeting Jason's parents for the first time," Snow said, changing the subject and Regina groaned. She hadn't even thought about that. Cora had moved out right around the time Ivy turned two. With Regina's help she was able to find a place close by that met up to her standards. So with Cora not around, she easily forgot that her mother will be meeting Jason's family for the first time. "And that means we have to tell them that Cora is also my and Emma's mother as well…"

"Like you said dear, this is going to be one hell of a dinner."


	3. Chapter 2 Never Letting Her Go

**Enjoy and thank you for reviewing :) More to come soon!**

* * *

Chapter 2 Never Letting Her Go

By three that afternoon, everyone was already arriving and after a quick text from Jason, Regina knew he was on his way back from Boston with his family. The house smelled wonderful and the kitchen was full of different platters of food.

"Henry, wait till dinner," she scolded her now 16 year old son, shooing him away from the bowl of mashed potatoes. She grabbed the spoon he was about to dip in and steered him towards the door with two hand on his shoulders. He was dressed in a nice suit and she still couldn't get over how tall he was getting.

"But mom, I'm starving. Emma says on Thanksgiving were supposed to eat as little as possible all day so we could eat as much as possible at dinner," he said, stopping to look at her so that they stood by the doorway.

"That's an idiotic stupid rule. You are absolutely not starving yourself all day just so you could stuff yourself like a pig," she told him just as Cora approached them on her way to kitchen. She had just got here and was looking to greet her daughter.

"Regina," she admonished. "I did not raise you to speak with such dirty language."

"For the love of god," she grumbled low enough so that only Henry could hear and he couldn't help but laugh. Regina was already stressed as it was and she didn't need her mother scolding her over little things such as proper language.

"Mother, everyone's in the study. Go mingle," she said with a far too friendly smile, the type of smile Henry only saw when she was in Madame Mayor/Evil Queen mode. Cora glared at her and just when Henry was considering to intervene Cora looked away first.

"Fine, besides I can't talk to you when you're like this," she said.

"Like what?" Regina asked hostilely, her eyes narrowing at her mother.

"Stop stressing darling, it's just dinner," Cora said and Henry took that moment to pull Cora away by the hand. Regina was livid and if Henry hadn't pulled Cora away, she would have started yelling right there and then.

"Come on grandma, I think Ivy made you something for thanksgiving."

It wasn't until they were walking across the foyer towards the study did she finally take a breath and calmed the boiling anger that was just about to explode. Fighting with her mother right now wasn't going to help and it was the last thing she needed. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she suddenly heard the sound of Jason's car pulling into the driveway and a mischievous smile graced her lips before she slipped back into the kitchen.

* * *

Jason just about had it by the time they finally made it back to the mansion. His family was driving him insane. He loved them but there was a reason why they never went on road trips. Someone always ending up getting their feelings hurt or they would all just start arguing. This time though, it was just awkward. He and his brother didn't say a word to each other and Sara too kept quiet. His mom kept badgering on and on if Regina was feeding him properly or how come she hardly joined him on his trips to Boston when he would bring Ivy to visit them. He couldn't exactly explain to her that Regina would get severely sick everytime her magic snapped off like a switch whenever she crosses the town line. Regina and his mother don't exactly get along and his father… Well, his father was just rambling about random things and embarrassing stories from when he and his brother were children.

He showed them inside and he could sense his mother's critical eyes roaming through the house as he set down some of the luggage by the stairs to be taken up to the one guest room they had left since the second became Ivy's room. They would figure out sleeping arrangements later.

"Come meet everyone," he announced, leading them towards the study before his mother could make any remarks. He led them into the study, the whole time wondering were Regina was. He opened the door to see everyone already here except for his wife which was kind of strange. Regina was usually always present when they had guest over.

Everyone besides Cora had already met his parents at the wedding and after introductions were made to Sara and Jason's brother Andrew, everyone went back to mingling and Jason took that moment to introduce Cora to his parents.

"Mom, dad this is Cora, Regina's mom," he said and his dad politely shook her hand.

"Nice meeting you Cora, I'm Jeff and this is my wife Erin. So you're the one responsible for raising the sweet young woman that stole our son's heart," he said with a slight chuckle in his kind voice. He had no idea that what he said tore at her very soul. She was in no way responsible for bringing out the good in Regina. These thoughts were forgotten however when Erin scoffed at her husband's words.

"Mother," Jason sighed in annoyance and Cora could see just how exhausted and stressed her son in law was.

"Do you have a problem with my daughter?" Cora asked, her voice suddenly going cold and the room became quiet as they all watched the exchange between the two older women. One, a stuck up business woman and the other, a former villain and sorceress.

"They don't exactly get along," Jason tried to explain, his eyes glancing towards the door for his wife because he knew once Cora was angry there was no stopping her.

"Well she's rude and I can see where she gets it from. I mean she didn't even have the decency to greet us at the door," Erin said in disgust, her eyes boring into Cora's and in that moment Cora could see why her daughter was hated by this woman. Erin was obviously used to people being intimidated by her and knowing her daughter, Regina most likely didn't put up with this lady's bullshit the moment they met.

"How dare you…" Cora growled, just about to get into it with this woman when Regina suddenly came in.

"Ah Mother, I see you met Jason's parents," she said, giving both Cora and Erin a hard look that told them to knock it off before turning to the only two people in the room that she's never met before. "And you must be his brother, Andrew."

She raised an eyebrow as a blonde woman appeared by his side.

"Yeah, and this is…" Andrew started to say when Regina cut him off and Jason knew it was coming before she even said it.

"Sara, Jason's ex-wife who cheated on him and married you," she said in a dead serious tone and the room was silent as they watched on in shock. Even Cora was surprised and she smirked, her approval clear in her eyes. And then Regina smiled that fake politician smile she used on Emma during her first year in Storybrooke and she had been trying to get rid of her. "I'm Regina," she said in a more upbeat tone, the poisonous grin never leaving her face as she held out her hand. Jason groaned as Sara hesitantly reached out and shook her hand.

"I… It's nice meeting you," she stumbled on her words, obviously still discombobulated by what just happened. "We would have gone to the wedding but plans came up. I'm just glad we finally get to meet you and your daughter. She's beautiful Regina."

"Mmm, thank you dear although a fair amount of time has passed since the wedding and the birth of my daughter. I imagine you had plans that kept you both from meeting Ivy each time Jason brought her to Boston to see his parents."

The room was tense all of a sudden and Sara couldn't even find an answer because what Regina was hinting at was true. She and Andrew just didn't care enough to make an effort to get to know Jason's family.

"Ok," Snow said, getting up from the chair she was sitting on and moving between them. "Since introductions have been made why don't we start dinner?" she asked, looking at Regina and pleading with her eyes to just end the tension.

Regina averted her eyes then and looked around the room as if she just realized everyone's silence as they watched the scene unfold in front of them and then her eyes landed on Ivy. Emma was holding her and she looked confused as she watched her mother intimidate a woman she barely met. She realized then she didn't want to make a scene and ruin thanksgiving for everyone so she retreated… for now.

"Fine, let's have dinner shall we?"

* * *

Dinner was tensed and awkward. All that could be heard was the sound of silverware hitting the plates as everyone enjoyed the feast Regina and Snow cooked. Emma however couldn't stand it and so she had tried breaking the silence with small talk and when it was finally over everyone mingled in the living room as they waited for dessert to be served.

"If Cora had her magic Erin would've been burnt to crisp by now," Regina told Snow as she sliced the homemade pumpkin pie. Snow was gathering the small dessert plates from the cabinet and started spreading them out on the island counter top so that Regina could place a slice on each of them.

"They glared at each other all through dinner," Snow laughed but then immediately grew serious when Regina pulled out a second pie from the oven and by the smell she knew it was apple. "I thought you weren't going to make apple."

"I wasn't but then I realized Sara hasn't tried my own homemade recipe." She placed it on the stovetop and Snow approached her, her eyes never leaving the pie.

"There's nothing in there right? I mean I know you won't poison her with a sleeping curse or anything but you did give the fairies a batch of apple muffins full of laxatives."

"They called my marriage an abomination," Regina practically growled as old feelings from that day gradually resurfaced. It was a few weeks after the wedding and Blue had the decency to criticize her marriage to her face.

"I know but Sara hurt Jason and I know you. You protect the ones you love no matter what it takes. So let me ask you again. Is there anything in that pie that will humiliate Sara?" She met Regina's gaze and she watched as her stepmother's gaze faltered and then she sighed in defeat.

"I had some laxatives left over from the fairies muffins. I was going to give her a slice and then give her the rest to take home because I knew she'd be too polite to refuse."

"Oh Regina," Snow admonished and Regina glared at her because she didn't need to be treated like a child no matter how childless her schemes were.

"Don't start," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"You were going to poison everyone with that."

"I wasn't going to poison everyone… just Sara… and Andrew… and their infuriating mother," she grumbled that last part bitterly but then relented when Snow shot her another stern glare. "Fine, I won't serve it to anyone."

"Look, I know Erin is a lot to handle and then Sara just shows up. I get the hostility you have towards her for Jason but…"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it," Regina cut her off, her voice cold and the mask suddenly going up. Snow was surprised because she hadn't emotionally shut her out in so long. Regina wouldn't even look at her. She reached out, gently placing her hand on her arm.

"Hey, look at me Regina. Take off the mask and look at me." Regina hesitated but then the mask crumbled and she turned to Snow, her eyes finally full of emotion unlike the cold hard gaze she had only moments ago.

"His mother hates me Snow and his brother… well he and Sara obviously don't care about Jason or his family. They all think they're better than us. What do you expect me to do? Just stand idly by while they judge us? I'm beginning to think Jason is the only that came out normal."

"He gets it from his father," Snow said and Regina couldn't help but give her a small smile because she was right. Jason's father was the only one that actually cared about his son or took the time to know his only grandson. Erin loved Ivy but Henry… She treated him different just because he wasn't related by blood.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"You just wanted to protect your family Regina but I think poisoning them with this pie is a little too much."

"You're right. Maybe I should've gone with a sleeping curse," she quipped with a playful smile and Snow couldn't help but let out a small laugh at that.

* * *

The apple pie had lain forgotten on the counter, while everyone enjoyed what was left of the evening. Regina had planned to throw it out after everyone left but then Erin had made some kind of offensive comment at Regina and she saw red. Snow was with her and the moment those words "what kind of unfit mother lets their child live with the woman that gave him up?" escaped Erin's lips she knew she should have gone after Regina when she angrily stalked out of the room in a scary kind of calm. She was too busy trying to steer a livid Cora away from Erin and once she finally got the older woman to walk away, Regina came out with a slice of apple pie. Unfortunately Regina was on the other side of the room and she didn't want to cause a scene so she went over to David and pulled him away from Jeff, Jason, and Henry. Emma was playing with the kids while Andrew and Sara kept to themselves.

"Snow, what is it?" he asked worriedly when he noticed the panicked look in her hazel eyes.

"The pie," she whispered and he followed his wife's gaze to Regina. "It's poisoned with laxatives. Regina was going to serve it to Sara, Andrew, and Erin earlier but I managed to convince her not to and then Erin insulted her and now she's going to poison her. We have to stop her David. She's going to humiliate Erin and I'm not saying she doesn't deserve it but it's not right."

"Dammit Regina," David muttered in annoyance as he watched her offering the plate to Erin with that Evil Queen smile gracing her red lips. "Ok, I'll grab the pie and you take her back to the kitchen kicking and screaming." Snow agreed and together they quickly approached Regina and Erin without making it look obvious that something was going on.

"Oh, hey is this apple?" David asked, swooping in and grabbing the plate right before Erin could take it from Regina. Erin had claimed she was too full for more pie and when Regina finally got her to take it, that was when David had managed to pull it away and it was then that she realized Snow was behind her as well. Her smile instantly turned into a scowl when she realized she had been caught.

"Yes, and Erin was just about to have it," Regina said, her voice barely containing her frustration. She reached out trying to grab it back and it only took a split second for David to take a gigantic bite. Snow watched in complete horror as he quickly finished it and Regina watched in shock. Erin however watched in disgust. She had no idea what the man just saved her from.

"You rude and disgusting man. Have you no self-control!" Erin snapped and the room became quiet. All eyes were on them. Even Avery who was sitting on the floor with Emma and Ivy became quiet.

"Um… no," David gasped as he felt his stomach turning.

"You idiot," Regina called him, her voice low with anger and Snow suddenly grabbed her arm and started pulling her to the kitchen.

"Come with me," she said in that no nonsense tone she used whenever Avery acted out. David followed them, suddenly looking pained and once they were gone Emma broke the tensed silence.

"Ok I have no idea what that was about but I think it's time for us to get going Henry."

"Aww ma, it was just getting good," he said, stopping in his tracks where he was about to follow them into the kitchen.

"Go say good night to Regina, and then were leaving," she said, not in the mood to get involved in whatever the hell is going on.

"Fine," he groaned. He turned back to the kitchen with Avery following.

"What were you thinking Regina? What did we just talk about in here?" he heard Snow say the moment he entered. She saw Avery trailing after him and she instantly picked him up, her eyes never leaving her stepmother.

"I don't know!" she cried out in frustration, her eyes flickering to the rest of the apple pie that David was currently throwing in the trash. His hand was on his stomach and he seemed to be in pain.

"You don't know? Then try!"

"She just… She pissed me off Snow! That woman makes me crazy and besides I didn't force your husband to shove the damn thing down his throat." They looked at David as his stomach started making noises and he broke out in a cold sweat.

"Uh Snow, we need to get home," he gasped and it was then it clicked for Henry because he remembered a few fairies with the same pained expression after eating a certain apple flavored muffin.

"No way, you poisoned gramps with laxatives?"

"No, the fool poisoned himself," she grumbled, resembling a pouting child because she had been so close to getting Erin to eat it and now Snow was scolding her as if she were her two year old son.

"Cool," he laughed and Regina smirked because only Henry seemed to be on her side.

"Henry, could you take Avery and give us a few minutes?" Snow asked, suddenly sounding tired.

"Yeah, actually I just came to say goodnight. Emma wants to go home," he explained, moving to hug his mother. Regina held him close, placing a sweet loving kiss on top of his head. Just a couple of more inches and he'd be taller than her. "Goodnight mom."

"Good night honey," she said and after he left Jason and Cora came in.

"Hey, what's going on?" he asked, genuinely confused just like everyone else in that room.

"Go ahead Regina," Snow said sternly. "Tell him what you almost did to his mother."

"Snow…" she growled out in a warning tone.

"Gina, what is she talking about?" he asked just as his eyes caught David's pale and sweaty figure in the corner. "And what's wrong with David?"

"There were laxatives in the pie," David replied through clenched teeth.

"There was what?" Jason asked in shock as he caught Regina's eye.

"You tried to poison Erin?" Cora asked and she smirked, looking entirely too pleased at the idea.

"Snow, take him home," Regina said in a clipped voice, not being able to deal with everybody at once. Snow shook her head in disappointment before taking David's hand and leading him out of the kitchen.

"You should have included me in your plan Regina. I would have poisoned all of them for you."

"Jesus Cora, they're my family," Jason said in annoyance.

"Mother, can you give us a minute?" Regina asked.

"Fine," she grumbled before walking out of the room, leaving the couple in a heavy silence until Jason finally spoke up.

"You were going to poison my mother with laxatives?" he asked and she turned her gaze away from the anger and disappointed she saw in his eyes.

"She called me an unfit mother among other things…" she said, trailing off when she realized how childish she was sounding.

"Regina I know she makes you crazy but you can't just go around poisoning her with laxatives."

"They were actually meant for Sara," she said, surprising him.

"They… what?"

"The pie was for Sara… and Andrew. And then I thought, why not Erin," she confessed, knowing this would make him even more disappointed in her. She turned her back, trying to keep her hands busy as she started covering up the food. She could hear him taking a shaky breath as if to calm himself.

"This is about her cheating on me with Andrew, isn't it?" he asked, his voice now directly behind her and she turned to face him. She looked up into his eyes, her hands both on his chest.

"They hurt you," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"They did," he nodded, his hand coming up to caress her cheek before tangling into her dark hair. "Sara and I weren't right for each other. The way she left hurt but I wouldn't change anything because it brought me to you. It gave me this life with you and Ivy."

"They don't care about you or your family."

"I know," he sighed. "But I really don't care about what they think when I have you and the life we have. Our family is what matters, not Sara or my brother and their petty excuses for their selfishness. And as for my mother, I'm not going to ask you to apologize or anything but please no more laxatives."

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"I know," he answered, placing a quick kiss on her lips before pulling her into his embrace. He held her and even though he was touched that Regina would poison his brother and ex-wife with laxatives for him, he knew it was wrong. He was just glad Snow and David had stopped her before she can get to his mother.

Speaking of his mother…

"Also, Erin isn't comfortable with couples sleeping in the same room."

"What?" she asked, her tone as dark as her eyes when she pulled away to look at him.

"She doesn't want me and you in the same room. She says it disrespectful to both the guest and the host."

"Are you kidding me? What about her and Jeff?"

"She's also requesting separate rooms and Sara and Andrew are actually getting a room at the inn."

"Of course she's requesting separate rooms because god knows we have all this space. We only have one guest room."

"Hey, we'll make this work Gina. My mom can have our bed while my dad takes the guest room. You can have Henry's room and I'll take the couch."

"Or I can sleep in my own bed. Your dad takes Henry's room, Erin takes the guest room, and I just sneak you in after everyone's asleep," she said with smug smile and Jason sighed anxiously. "What? It's a good plan."

"My mother specifically requested our room."

"Why?"

"Something about respecting your elders and being polite… I don't know Regina," he said, annoyance for his mother radiating off of him in waves.

"Fine, it's just one night right?"

"Yes," he said, pulling her close to him and leading her out of the kitchen with an arm around her waist. "We'll be fine."

* * *

They were not fine.

They were missing each other and simply couldn't sleep. So after tossing and turning in Henry's twin sized bed Regina got up and quietly sneaked downstairs to the living room where Jason was camping out on the couch. He had his eyes closed and was trying to fall asleep when she knelt down beside him. She kissed his lips softly and when he opened his eyes he grinned.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as lifted the blanket so that she can get in next to him.

"I missed you."

"My mother is going to lose it when she finds us together."

"So let her," she shrugged as she snuggled into his chest. He drew her into a long heated kiss and when it was over he pulled her up so that she was laying half on top of him. He held her close as they kissed once more, this time more passionately and they both knew what the other wanted. It wasn't until he flipped them over so that she was lying on her back did he stop to look at her through the moonlight shinning in through the windows.

"What if they hear us?" he asked.

"We'll be quiet."

"And if someone walks in?'

"They won't."

He accepted that answer by leaning in and gently kissing her lips and then her neck. She held onto his waist, her hands under his shirt and feeling the soft skin underneath. He removed her shirt, trailing slow kisses from her neck to her chest and when he snapped open the front clasp of her bra, he pushed it away. He looked at her for a moment, his eyes meeting hers before she lifted her hands from underneath his shirt and reached out, gently lowering his head to her left breast. He took a nipple into his mouth and she slightly arched her back in pleasure. His hand reached up, palming her right breast and that was when he felt it.

There was lump just on the side of her breast, just underneath her arm.

Fear suddenly rushed through him and he immediately pulled away.

"Jason, what is it?" she asked, her voice full of worry and confusion.

"Turn the light on," he said, his voice urgent and it scared her so she flicked her wrist and light flooded the room. He lifted her arm and she watched in a frightened kind of worry as he ran his fingers down the side of her breast and underneath her arm.

"Does it hurt?" he asked as he examined the skin there, hoping that maybe she had slammed into something that resulted into a bump. She shook her head, confirming what he already knew. There was no way this could be a bruise. He could see the lump without even having to feel for it. She sat up with questioning eyes.

"Does what hurt? What are you talking about?" she asked, lifting her arm and trying to see for herself. He took her hand then and gently placed it on the lump.

"Do you feel that?" he whispered, his voice choked as only one thought appeared in his mind. The one word that could change everything. She felt it then and her brow furrowed as she came to the same conclusion as him. She was shaking suddenly and her eyes flashed with fear and panic. She pulled her hand away from the lump and folded her arms across her chest, covering her exposed breasts.

"Do you think it's… It could be…" she stumbled on her words, not quite knowing what to say and in this moment she looked so small and vulnerable.

"Hey, no it's ok," Jason said softly as he pulled her into his arms. "It could be anything. It could even be benign."

"And if it's not? If it's… If it's breast cancer?" she asked, not even being able to say it out loud. Her voice was shaking with so much fear and emotion. He had never seen or heard her like this and it scared him.

"We'll deal with it then. We'll get through it together," he whispered in her ear, never letting her go.


	4. Chapter 3 Like An Evil Queen Would

**I don't know alot about breast cancer and I remember very little from when my granfather was ill with prostate cancer so I'll try to do my best to make this as real as possible. Thank you for reviewing and I'll update as soon as I can!**

* * *

Chapter 3 Like An Evil Queen Would

The walls were white.

That was all she was seeing right now. White walls and surrounded by a deafening silence as she sat in the waiting room of the hospital. Her posture was rigid and her grip was tight in Jason's hand. She was terrified and he could see it. Neither of them had gotten much sleep last night and the moment the sun had risen Regina was up and already making an appointment. Jason's family could wait a couple of hours more to go home. Right now, he needed to be here for Regina. He was also holding their sleeping daughter since Regina didn't want her to wake up alone and with people she barely even knew. The hospital was quiet at this hour so when the nurse called out her name she nearly jumped out of her seat.

She stood with shaking hands and was barely aware of Jason asking the nurse for a just a second. She was wringing her hands nervously and he gently laid Ivy down on the chairs before taking Regina's hands in his.

"I'm going to be right here ok and no matter what happens we'll get through it. I love you Gina," he told her softly, before pulling her into his embrace. He could feel the tension leaving her body the moment his lips met hers and when he pulled away he could see the raw fear in those chocolate brown eyes.

"I know," she whispered. "I love you too."

"I'll be right here waiting for you," he reassured her again with a gentle squeeze of her shaking hands and after one more quick kiss on her cheek she was walking towards that door.

* * *

Regina was scared and when she felt these kinds of emotions, her mask went up. She was tensed and her face was emotionless. She didn't say a word to the nurse nor looked her in the eyes when she was positioned for the mammogram. Since there was a lump she required more pictures and so she stood there uncomfortable and feeling more vulnerable than she ever felt in her life. Her breast was exposed and being pressed into the machine and all she could do was just stand there with dark cold eyes.

The air around Regina was heavy and even though the nurse was speaking to her with soft words of comfort, the older woman was afraid. She was afraid because the former Evil Queen was standing there with no emotion on her face but she could feel the heavy anger and fear radiating from her being. When it was over, Regina wasted no time in covering herself.

"Are you ok Madame Mayor?" the nurse asked and Regina still couldn't bring herself to look at her but she could hear the nervousness in her voice.

"I expect you to keep this to yourself. I don't appreciate my personal business to be gossiped by the whole town," she said, her voice clipped and straight to the point as she look past the nurse. Her gaze was fixed on some point of the wall behind the other woman.

"Yes, of course. Everything that goes on here is private. You could trust me and the doctor." Regina nodded at those words and for a second it was as if she was trying to make up her mind about trusting the nurse to keep quiet and then she finally looked at her.

"Thank you," she said, her voice suddenly soft compared to how it was only seconds ago. The nurse relaxed then, her nervousness ebbing away. In front of her was no longer the intimidating Mayor of Storybrooke. No, this was the Regina that was rarely seen by the citizens of the town and she could see how frightened she was.

* * *

After completing a few more exams with the doctor along with an ultrasound on her breasts, she was allowed to get dressed and wait for her results with Jason. She was nervously wringing her hands while she watched Ivy coloring beside her with some crayons and paper the nurses had gave her. Ivy didn't understand what was going on. She just assumed maybe mommy was a little sick and she would get better. Instead of thinking how this would affect herself, Regina couldn't help but think about how this would affect Ivy instead… How it would affect Henry and her whole family.

This couldn't be it.

This couldn't be how her life turns out. This was supposed to be her happy ending and now it was all threatened by one lump on her breast. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even realize the nurse calling her in until she felt Jason taking her hand. She met his eyes and she could see the worry and understanding that this moment could change everything.

This moment could either give them relief and hope for a brighter feature or it could change their whole life as they knew it.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

She shook her head but she stood anyway and led her family towards the door. She would never be ready for this moment and she was right. She could see the grave expression on her doctor's face the moment she and Jason were seated in front of his desk. Ivy was on the floor behind them, too consumed in her drawings to pay attention to what they were saying.

"Madame Mayor, I…"

"Regina," she suddenly interrupted him and she felt Jason give her hand a reassuring squeeze from where they were joined beneath the desk. "Please, call me Regina."

Dr. Davis, a former medical practitioner in the Enchanted Forest, let out a soft sigh and it only confirmed what Regina already knew. "Regina, I'm sorry but the mammogram, the ultrasound, and the exams all confirmed it. You have stage 2b Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. The cancer had started in the milk ducts and then broken through and invaded the tissues of your breast. Over time it can spread to the lymph nodes and other parts of your body. So far it had only spread to the lymph nodes which is why the lump formed so close to under your arm."

Her vision suddenly became blurred with unshed tears but she wouldn't cry in front of him and by the way Jason was gripping her hand, she knew he too was barely keeping it together. It was confirmed and she could barely breathe. She could barely even understand what Dr. Davis was saying because all she could think about was her family. All she could think about was the little girl playing behind her and how everything would change for her too.

"With chemo and treatment Regina, you could beat this. There's an 85 percent survival rate for five years after remission but some women tend to live much longer. Some women even live healthy full lives after remission. We caught the tumor early enough to be beat it."

"And if I don't?" she asked, her voice low so that Ivy wouldn't overhear. "If I'm not part of that 85 percent, then what happens?"

Death was the only word that came to mind and her eyes suddenly became fearful as they shifted from Dr. Davis to her husband. He was looking at her with so much grief and fear and she suddenly had this strong urge to just cry in his arms because there was no way this could actually be happening right now. He was trying to hide what he was feeling so that he could be strong for her but she could see the emotional struggle within him.

"Gina…" he started, his voice hoarse but she abruptly cut him off. She didn't even notice the warm tears sliding slowly down her cheeks as she looked at Dr. Davis again.

"No!" she demanded. "What happens?"

Dr. Davis didn't answer because they all knew exactly what will happen. Regina just wanted to hear it for herself. She hadn't realized she'd been yelling until the sound of little feet ran over to her side; another reason why Dr. Davis wouldn't answer her. He didn't want to scare her four year old daughter.

"Mommy! Why are you crying?" She sounded so scared and on the verge of tears herself and Regina gathered her in her arms, holding her close. Ivy buried her face into her mother's shoulder as she wrapped her small arms around her in comfort. "Don't cry mommy."

She needed to reign in her emotions so she calmed herself for the sake of her little girl. She kissed Ivy on the top of her head before settling her back down between her and Jason.

"I'm sorry honey I didn't mean to scare you," Regina told her, taking both of Ivy's hands in hers.

"I'm not scared mommy," she said, trying to be brave. "I just don't like when you're sad."

"Oh, honey," she whispered, her voice strangled with emotion as she once again embraced her.

"Regina, do you want to take a few minutes before we continue?" Dr. Davis asked and Regina pulled away.

"No," she said, glancing at him before turning back to Ivy. "I'm ok sweetie. Why don't you go draw some more and let me and Daddy finish speaking with Dr. Davis, ok?" She hesitated and for a moment Regina thought she was going to refuse but then Ivy reluctantly agreed and went back to her spot behind them.

"Gina, are you sure you don't want to step outside for a moment?" Jason asked, his eyes full of concern for his wife.

"No, let's start discussing treatment," she said. "Do I have to get surgery?"

"Not yet," Dr. Davis told her. "I would like to start you on chemo first to shrink the tumor and then depending where we're at, we'll discuss the options of removing the lump. After that you'll go on different hormonal therapies. Now, Regina even if we go through the treatments there's no telling if the tumor will shrink or grow. Cancer is unpredictable but I will do everything in my power to help you beat it." His words were so genuine and she wondered why he was being so kind to her. Why was he willing to help her when she used to be the Evil Queen? She looked at him, her eyes trying to find the lie but there was none and so she looked at him in contemplation.

"Why are you willing to help me after everything I've done? Why would you want to help the former Evil Queen?"

"Because no one deserves to die from this no matter who they are and what they've done and that includes you," he told her and it was then that both she and Jason knew they could trust him to help get Regina through this.

To help her fight the cancer with everything she's got.

To help her fight like an Evil Queen would.


	5. Chapter 4 I Have To Know

**Is everyone still alive! That finale really got me depressed over what happened with Regina. I just hope S4 isn't as messy as it seems to be right now. Please review and I'll update soon :)**

**Also, sorry its so short. This piece just didn't seem to fit with the other half I had planned for this chapter so I had to cut it into two parts. Next one will be longer.**

* * *

Chapter 4 I Have To Know

Regina waited until the next day to tell them, until Jason's family had gone home. Emma, Cora, and Ivy were waiting in Regina's study and as they waited they discussed what could have brought them here. Regina looked stressed when she had let them in and had avoided any questions directed at her well-being.

"Maybe she's pregnant again," Emma suggested as she colored in a Disney coloring book with Ivy. They were both seated on the floor and Emma had her back against the couch.

"It isn't likely Emma. My daughter is barren. Ivy's conception was a rare miracle made possible by magic. The chances of having another baby is close to nothing," Cora explained from where she was seated at the other end of the couch. Snow, David, and Avery hadn't arrived yet and Henry was off with Regina somewhere in the mansion. Emma didn't doubt that he was probably trying to get his adoptive mother to talk.

"Is that why mama and daddy went to see the doctor yesterday?" Ivy suddenly asked, confusion sparkling in her chocolate brown eyes as she looked up at Emma and Cora. Alarm flickered across both women's faces and Cora suddenly had a sickening feeling deep in her throat. A million possibilities flashed through their minds and before they could question the four year old, Snow and David walked in holding Avery. Regina, Henry, and Jason were right behind them.

"What's going on?" Snow asked when she noticed Emma and Cora. The room was tensed and she had the feeling that something was wrong.

"Snow, David is it alright if Jason takes Avery for ice cream with Ivy. I don't want them here for this."

"Here for what? Regina, are you ok?" David asked, just as worried as his wife. He too had noticed Regina's stressed and sullen mood.

"Please," she said softly. "You'll know in just a minute."

Snow's worried gaze never left Regina as Jason took Avery from her and once he and the two little ones were gone she took a deep breath as if she were preparing herself for whatever she was going to tell them. Snow didn't even bother to sit and she couldn't help but notice the way Regina was wringing her hands out of nervousness.

Why was she so nervous?

"Regina, you could tell us," Snow told her, breaking the sudden silence and her heart nearly broke when Henry approached his mother. He took both of her hands in his and his hazel eyes met her own dark orbs.

"Mom, what is it?" he asked and Regina's eyes were suddenly shinning with unshed tears. She was scaring them.

"I'm sick," she said so softly that they would have missed it if the room hadn't been so quiet.

"Sick? Regina what are you…" Emma started to ask when Regina cut her off.

"I'm sick Emma," she said, looking past Henry to address the younger woman. "I… I found a lump in my breast." She could barely finish that sentence and the last words came out as a whisper. Everyone was looking at her and her eyes suddenly looked down at her and Henry's joined hands. She could feel their eyes on her and feel the devastation radiating from each person as they processed what had just been said. She couldn't stand the silence and so she kept talking, unable to face their reactions. "Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, stage 2b. It had already spread to my lymph nodes so Dr. Davis wants to start me on chemo right away…"

She stopped talking the moment Henry's hand suddenly pulled away and she was suddenly pulled into someone else's arms. Snow was holding her and after a second of hesitation she melted into the embrace, her arms wrapping around Snow and she buried her face into her shoulder. She had been trying to stay strong but of course Snow had seen the internal war with herself to keep her emotions in check.

"Don't hold it in," Snow whispered into her ear and she couldn't stop her body from trembling as tears suddenly streamed down her cheeks. Her body racked with harsh silent sobs and if she opened her eyes she would have seen Emma getting up from the floor and hugging a distraught Henry. She felt a warm hand on her back and if she had opened her eyes she would have seen David standing beside her, his hand on her back for support and comfort. She would have seen the look of devastation and realization of an old memory dawn on Cora's face before she quietly left the room.

"I'm sorry," Regina cried and she was. She was so sorry for putting them all through this… for getting sick and changing everything when life had been so good and peaceful. Snow pulled away at those words and lifted her chin so she would look at her.

"No, don't apologize," she said. "Regina, don't you ever be sorry for this."

* * *

Cora had left and even though their relationship had improved Regina didn't expect her to stick around. She didn't think it was possible to love this new version of her mother but yet still hold so much resentment towards the woman Cora had been in the past. Their relationship was still a bit rocky but Regina knew Cora loved her because not only would Cora tell her but she could see it in her eyes. She could see it in those small moments when Cora watched her play with Ivy, when she was reminded of how much she had missed out on her daughter's childhood. She could see it when Cora realized just how little she knew of her, like her favorite color or her favorite meal. Regina knew her mother loved her but some days it was just too hard to be around her because their messy past will always be there lingering in the shadows. She will always remember the abuse and deaths that surrounded her childhood and Cora will always regret ripping out her heart and hurting her daughter. Emotional confrontations were still so difficult on both of them which was why Regina didn't expect to her to stay.

Henry had stayed.

Her little boy, now a teenager decided to stay the night with her and she let him. He was so devastated by the news and it took everything she had to calm his fears of losing her. Snow wanted to stay throughout the afternoon but Avery was getting fussy and so Regina insisted for her and David to take the toddler home and Emma, after giving Regina words of support, headed back to the station.

When it was time for bed Henry asked her to read to him, something he hasn't asked of her in a really long time. She thinks maybe the last time she read to him was just a few months before he got that fairytale book all those years ago and her fluttered at thought. Jason offered to put Ivy down and with a quick kiss, he told her to go be with her son. So now here they were, snuggled on his bed together with one of Henry's comic books. When she was done, the room was washed over with a comforting silence. She put the comic book on the nightstand and turned on her side, pulling Henry into her embrace and simply holding him and he let her. He held on to her, sitting against the headboard and staring at the blue walls as Regina closed her eyes and tried to forget everything for just a moment. They were each lost in their own heads until Henry finally voiced the worrying thoughts plaguing his mind.

"How long?" His voiced trembled and for a moment she was reminded of the little boy that once lied in this bed asking for story after story. He had grown so much and she could only hope she'll be around to see him turn into the wonderful man she raised him to be. She opened her eyes but she didn't move.

"Mom, please tell me," he pleaded softly when she took too long to answer.

"Henry…" She didn't want to talk about this. She just wanted to lie here in her little bubble of pretending everything was ok and she was simply snuggling with Henry just because she could. That hope was crushed because he reached down and lifted her chin so that she would meet his eyes and in that moment he looked so much older than his 16 years of age.

"I have to know."

He was right, sometimes he was always right. She pulled away and snuggled close to him again, taking a moment before telling him.

"I have an 85 percent chance of beating this thing and five years or longer after remission." He let that information sink in for a moment and she looked up at him in concern. She could see him thinking, mulling over what she had just told him.

"Nothing is ever going to be the same again," she whispered and she hated that it was true because she would give anything for their life to go back to how it was. She's heard of women developing this disease but she would have never thought she herself can get it. No matter how strong she was or who she had been in the past, cancer had taken over her body. Because even former Evil Queens weren't immune to such a life threatening disease.

"I know," Henry whispered back and she closed her eyes again. It was quiet once more and she felt his hand rubbing small circles on her back. She was just about falling asleep when he pulled the blanket higher over her shoulders.

"You're going to beat this mom, I know you will."


	6. Chapter 5 I'm Ready To Face This

**A longer chapter just as promised :) Thank you for all your support, for reading and reviewing. It's a good feeling to know people are enjoying this. Please review and I'll update soon!**

**Also there might be mistakes but I'll fix them tomorrow**

* * *

Chapter 5 I'm Ready To Face This

It's been three days. Three very long days since she told her family she had breast cancer and Regina hadn't left the comfort of her bed. This wasn't like her. Regina never shuts herself away from the world like this. She goes out fighting and lets the whole world know that she isn't weak. The fact that Regina was succumbing to her depression worried Snow deeply. This was out of character for her stepmother, even when she had been the Evil Queen in the Enchanted Forest.

It was the early morning and Jason had called. He couldn't get his wife to get up or eat and he was so worried he asked if Snow could talk to her. She wasn't sure if she could get Regina out from the four walls of her bedroom but she was willing to try or at least get some food in her stomach. She made it up the stairs of the mansion and walked down the hall to her stepmother's room.

"Regina," Snow called, her voice low as she opened the door and there she was, lying under the heavy comforter and facing the window so that her back was turned to the door. If Regina heard her she didn't acknowledge her and Snow slid off her shoes and carefully laid next her.

She laid on her side so that she was facing Regina, and when Snow put her hand on her back Regina finally turned. She didn't say a word and instead laid her head on Snow's chest and pulled her into her embrace so that she was hugging her middle. Snow held her close with one hand combing through her dark hair.

"What's going on that head of yours?" Snow asked softly and she felt Regina tightened her grip on her shirt. "Talk to me honey. Please talk to me."

"I'm not ready to leave them… Ivy and Henry…" Regina finally whispered and Snow could hear the shakiness in her voice. She was holding back tears. She was holding everything in. Snow looked down and reached out so that she could lift Regina's chin with her hand. When she looked into those dark brown eyes she saw nothing but fear and emotion. She stayed quiet, sensing her stepmother wasn't done. "And you."

That was when the tears fell and Snow somehow knew this was the first time Regina let herself cry since breaking down in her arms three days ago. She buried her face into her stepdaughter's chest and Snow tried her best to comfort her.

"You're going to beat this, you know. You're so strong Regina… so resilient, and you don't have to fight this on your own. You have a family that loves you and cancer is not going to take you from us so easily. We'll make sure of that. You're not leaving us."

"You make it sound so easy," she said with a heartbroken chuckle because surviving this isn't meant to be easy. Fighting cancer is like fighting a war in your own body and sometimes you didn't survive. Sometimes the strongest were the ones that fell.

"Maybe it is but then you'll never know if you don't fight this," Snow encouraged, trying to get that fighting spark back into her.

"I missed my first round of chemo yesterday. It just made it all seem so real and I haven't even told Ivy yet. I'm so afraid of what this will do to her."

"I know you don't want this to be real Regina but hiding in this room isn't going to make it go away. In order to fight it you need to face it and you also need to tell Ivy. She has to know and we'll help her cope with this. She's strong just like you."

"But she shouldn't have to be," Regina whispered through silent tears. "I wanted things to be so different for her. I didn't want her to have to grow up so fast like I had to." She averted her eyes then, trying to control the torrent of emotions running through her body. She had just announced her greatest fear to Snow and she didn't want to see the pity in her stepdaughter's eyes.

"Hey, Regina look at me," Snow said and Regina slowly met her gaze. She saw no pity there. All she saw was understanding and support and Regina felt silly for even thinking Snow would pity her. "You will beat this and Ivy will have a normal childhood even if we have to use to magic which I doubt is possible."

Magic!

Why hadn't she thought of it before? There has to be something that could help her. Hope suddenly bloomed in her chest but she kept it from showing on her face. Snow wouldn't approve in fact no one would approve and so she decided to pay Rumplestiltskin a visit later.

"You're right Snow," she said quietly and she really was sincere even if she planned on asking Gold for some magical help later. She couldn't keep lying in this bed pretending this wasn't happening. She needed to get up and accept it. She needed to get up and live her life before she ran out of time. "I can't keep shutting myself away and pretending this isn't real. I need to talk to Ivy."

"She's just downstairs with Cora."

"My mother's here?" she asked and Snow could see the alarm on her face.

"She was worried about you. Jason said she had showed up early this morning and he had to talk her down from coming up and forcing you out of the house."

"Somehow I believe that she would," she muttered darkly with disbelief and Snow laughed as she stood. She held out her hand to Regina.

"Come on, I made some coffee," she said and Regina smiled and took her hand. She let her pull her up and together they walked out of the room.

* * *

After serving herself a mug, Regina left Snow in the kitchen and went out to the back yard to see Cora and Ivy building a snowman under her apple tree. She couldn't help but smile at the sight of her mother chasing the little girl after getting snow thrown at her. She caught her and lifted the laughing four year old into her arms and despite her squirming Cora managed to land a few kisses on her granddaughter's cheek.

A deep kind of sadness took root and Regina tried not to let it show on her face. Once upon a time she could've had this. If Cora had chosen love over power, she would've a mother that loved her. Cora would have loved her like she loved Ivy. Regina was just glad that Ivy got to have this side of Cora; that she would never meet the cold hearted woman her grandmother once was.

They didn't see her standing on the porch carrying a hot mug of coffee. Cora carefully set Ivy down and as they started working on their snowman again Ivy looked up at her grandmother.

"Grandma, did you play with mommy like this when she was a little girl?" she asked so sweetly and Cora's movements froze. Guilt and heartbreak flickered through her eyes and Ivy looked at her curiously.

They didn't see the mask that had gone up so fast on Regina, hiding the overwhelming emotions. She closed herself off because she remembered a little girl being too afraid to play in her mother's presence. She wasn't even allowed to play outside in the snow or make a snowman like Ivy was doing. Her mother's cruel words "A Queen doesn't play in the snow like a commoner" rang through her head and she shoved them away. She set down her mug on the porch and approached them through the fresh snow that had fallen last night.

"Honey, why aren't you at school?" she asked, her voice shaking with the effort of keeping control over her emotions while trying not to close herself off to her daughter. Cora could see the conflict in her eyes and she looked at her in concern as Regina knelt down to Ivy's level.

"Mommy, you're outside!" she cheered happily, ignoring the stern question and throwing herself into her mother's arms. Regina stood with Ivy still clinging to her and she hugged her daughter close to her chest. She placed a sweet kiss in her daughter's dark hair before setting her down, her eyes suddenly catching Cora's pained ones. Ivy's question had really gotten to both of them and Regina looked away, her eyes finding her daughter's.

"Is this why you didn't want to go to school? You were worried about me?" she asked and Ivy nodded. It hit her then that maybe hiding out and pretending everything was fine wasn't exactly best for Ivy or herself. Snow was right. She needed to face this.

"Can I stay with you mommy? I'll go back tomorrow, please," she asked with those big brown eyes and Regina didn't have the heart to say no. Besides, she's been avoiding everyone for the past three days including Ivy and she wanted to spend some time with her. She wanted to spend her last day with her family before she started chemo tomorrow because after that she wouldn't have the strength to leave the room.

"Ok, just for today and then it's back to preschool tomorrow," she told her sternly but smiled when Ivy hugged her legs.

"Thanks mommy! I have a whole list of things I want to do. First we're gonna make another snow man because grandma made this one kind of crooked and then we can have hot chocolate and watch Snow White and after we could color and play tea party."

"Hey, it's not that bad," Cora said, mocking annoyance but her eyes glittered with amusement making the little girl giggle.

"Alright sweetie, why don't you finish this one with her while I go out for just a few minutes? There's something I have to take care of."

"Aww, can I go with you mommy?"

"I'm sorry Ivy but I need you stay here and I'll be back before you know it." The four year old huffed but then she looked up at her mother and smiled that grin that melted anyone's heart.

"Ok but will you still play with me?"

"Oh baby of course I will. We'll do everything on your list," she said, kneeling down and hugging her and with a final kiss on the cheek Regina stood and before she could leave Cora stopped her by grabbing her arm. Ivy had gone back to building the snowman.

"Where are you going?" she asked, her voice low so that Ivy wouldn't over hear them. The resentment that rooted inside of Regina since hearing Ivy's question whether Cora ever played with her came out in an angry rush. Her eyes were dark as she yanked her arm away from Cora's grip.

"Nowhere," she practically growled and Cora quickly stepped in front of her before she could walk back to the mansion door.

"You finally got out of that damn bed after three days and suddenly you have somewhere to be? I know you perfectly well to know something suspicious is going on here Regina."

"No mother, you don't," she told her with that emotionless mask firmly in place. She was closing herself off and shutting Cora out. "I know you care and that you may even love me now but you will never _know_ me." She averted her gaze unable to look at Cora. Regina didn't give her a chance to answer as she walked away. She didn't even see Cora's hurt expression because if she looked back she knew she would regret those words and right now she preferred to be angry at her. She didn't want to feel guilty when the words she had said were true.

* * *

She had decided to walk to Gold's shop. She needed the time to think. Snow had mentioned magic and even though it was just as impossible as Snow said, Regina needed to know for sure. Maybe Gold did have a cure and maybe he didn't. She needed to know for the sake of her family and her future with them. She was so consumed with her thoughts that she was barely aware of her surroundings and it wasn't long till she was pushing open the door of the shop. The signal of the bell lured Gold out from the back room and though his face remained impassive he was actually surprised to see her here. The last time she had needed his services, she had been sick from the poison Greg Mendall had given her.

"Regina, what made you decide to grace me with your presence? From the look on your face I take it something has happened."

"I need a cure… a magical cure," she told him, coming right out with it. She didn't have time to beat around the bush and play mind games with her former mentor. He smirked and her defenses rose as he hobbled closer to her.

"Ah, a magical cure," he sneered and for the first time in a long time she had the urge to throw a fireball at him but she stayed in control no matter how angry she got. "And why would you need a magical cure Regina?"

She hesitated to answer. She hadn't thought of actually telling him. This was weakness and she had no desire exploiting it to the one man who was just as powerful as she was, maybe even more. But then if she wanted his help she needed to tell him. He sensed her panic and he approached her until they were face to face. She was scared and for a moment he saw that young girl he had mentored before darkness claimed her heart.

"I… I have cancer," she told him and she looked away, her eyes fixed on some point behind him. She wouldn't meet his gaze and he could see the emotionless mask going up and her walls going higher. "Breast cancer, stage 2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma."

"And you want me to help you?" he asked darkly.

"Can you?" she asked.

"No," he answered and he watched her face go from emotionless to angry in just a second.

"Are telling me you have no magical cure to rid my body of this disease?"

"Oh no, that I do," he smirked and she narrowed her eyes at him, clearly not in the mood for any of his mind games. "But you know very well Regina that all magic comes with a price."

"Then I'll pay it," she said, her voice as cold as her gaze. She needed to be cold when it came to dealing with her former mentor. She watched as he turned his back and opened an old looking box of spells. He pulled out a vial and turned, holding it up so that she could see.

"This can save you Regina but the price… well it'll only work after you go into remission which means you have to beat it first. Once your body gets rid of the cancer, this potion will heal you and prevent it from coming back. I'm warning you Regina, if you were to get worse before remission you could still die and this won't help. You have to be cancer free for the spell to work."

"I'll take my chances. What do you want?" He smirked again at those words and Regina's eyes followed him as he stepped closer to her. His eyes were hard but somewhere deep inside she could see just a little bit of grief. He was thinking about the young sweet girl he had corrupted, the student he had manipulated before she finally became his enemy and now…

Well, they weren't allies but they weren't enemies either. They had come to some kind of unspoken truce. He wanted her to live and that would be their deal because this wasn't how Regina's story goes. Even if she wasn't evil anymore, this wasn't how the Evil Queen was supposed to end. Her story wasn't finished yet.

"I want you to survive."

She took the vile from him, holding it as if it were a lifeline but her eyes never left his.

"And I will," she told him. "Surviving is what I've been doing my whole life."

"Then you shouldn't have a problem," he said back and she held his gaze just a little while longer as if challenging him to add on to their deal or simply take the potion back and when she saw no deceit in eyes she gave him a single nod and without another word she quickly left the shop.

* * *

She had made it back in time to finish everything on Ivy's list and then at the end of the day Regina sat Ivy down in the living room with her favorite Disney movie which so happened to be Snow White. She wasn't really watching it though, her mind was somewhere else. She felt better now that she had Gold's spell but the fact that she had to beat the cancer still scared her to death. Things could take a turn for the worse and she could die and even if she survived Ivy would still see it all.

"Ivy?" she asked, her voice low as she tried to keep it from trembling. She was on the couch cuddled with Ivy who had been quiet throughout the whole movie. Ivy looked up at her and she almost changed her mind right there but she didn't because Ivy needed to know the truth. "Do you think we could press pause for a minute?"

"Ok," Ivy replied and Regina grabbed the remote and hit pause while Ivy turned her small body so that she could look at her mother. "What's wrong mommy? Why are you so sad?" Her breath hitch at those words and she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes but she held them in. She didn't want to fall apart infront of her baby.

"Do you know what cancer is?"

"I think so…"

"It's a disease and I'm sick honey," she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion as she watched the fear and confusion flicker across her daughters face. "I have cancer in my breast."

"Danny's cat died from cancer!" she cried, referring to one of her classmates. "Are you going to die too! No mommy, don't die!"

"Woh, hey look at me," Regina said as the four year old hysterically flung herself in her mother's arms. She pulled away and lifted Ivy's chin so that she would look at her. "I'm not dying ok. I'm going to beat this Ivy and I'm not leaving you."

"Promise?" she asked, clearly too young to understand the trials of life and death and that Regina couldn't make a promise like that.

"I can't promise that sweetie but I'll tell you what. I'll promise you that I'll fight like the knights in your stories. I'm going to be really sick for a while and things might change, I might change but I'll still be mommy," she explained before holding out her pinky finger, a small ritual between them. "Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise mama," Ivy said, her voice so little and scared and after they locked their promise Regina pulled her into her lap and held her. That was how Jason found them when he walked through the door 20 minutes later only Ivy had fallen asleep. The movie was still playing and even though it annoyed her to no end, she left it on. It was merely background noise as her head was full of the earlier conversation with Ivy.

She didn't even see him come in and after getting over the shock and relief that she was up and out of that bed he silently hugged her from behind, placing a sweet kiss on her neck. She turned when she felt him and kissed his lips. He pulled away after and lifted their sleeping daughter from her lap and Regina got up and silently followed him to the foyer. She watched as he tucked Ivy into bed and it wasn't until he met her out in the hall did she speak.

"Thank you for calling Snow. She managed to talk some sense into me."

"Let's go riding," he said, taking her hands in his and holding them between them.

"But Ivy…"

"Is Henry still here?"

"Yeah, he's in his room," she said, glancing at the door further down the hall.

"Then he'll be here if she wakes up. Just come riding with me," he pleaded and Regina couldn't say no especially when he was looking at her with those eyes and his thumb gently rubbing her knuckles. Besides it was only a little after 8 and so after informing Henry, they were out in the crisp winter night air.

They rode slowly side by side until they reached their special spot, a secret clearing hidden among the trees. Regina rode Black Heart while Jason rode a chestnut colored mare with a white streak down her nose and white markings adjourning her ankles. They dismounted their horses and after securing them to a nearby watering and feeding post, Regina covered Black Heart with his blanket, leaving Jason to do the same with his mare as she walked ahead to the hidden clearing amongst the trees.

Her eyes widened in surprise when she realized Jason had been here earlier. He had laid a gray tarp on the snow covered ground and on top were numerous blankets, lanterns, and the battery operated electrical heater they had bought a few years back for cold nights like these. He approached her from behind and took her hand, leading her to the blankets.

"You're quiet tonight," she observed as he bundled her up with a thick blanket before pulling her down with him and pulling up another blanket over them. She snuggled against his chest and watched his breath come out in puffs of fog.

"I'm just thinking," he finally answered her and she could hear the crack in his voice. She reached up, caressing his cheek.

"I'm scared too," she whispered, her thumb moving over light stubble.

"I can't lose you and I know it's selfish to be thinking of my needs when you're…" He couldn't even say it and so he changed his wording. "I just can't help but feel terrified that I could lose everything. I only just found you Gina."

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere without a fight," she said, her hand trailing from his cheek and resting just over his beating heart. "After all, I made a pinky promise to our daughter."

"You told Ivy?" he asked, interested.

"She didn't take it so well," she said, her heart breaking at the memory of Ivy's hysterical tears. "But I promised her I would fight this and I'm promising you too. No more hiding under the covers and pretending this isn't happening. I'm ready to face this."

He smiled softly at her words and placed a sweet kiss atop of her head.

"And you won't be doing it alone," he answered, his voice barely above a whisper. She let out a soft hum before closing her eyes and snuggling into his chest. His hand played with her hair and for the first time in a while she felt relaxed. She felt confident that maybe she could beat this and just maybe they would get through this.

Although, she didn't tell him about the potion she got from Gold because she knew he would be angry that she went to the imp for help. He didn't trust Gold and he had every right not to and so she decided that would be a conversation for later.

Right now she would enjoy this moment with him.


	7. Chapter 6 That's What Makes Us Strong

**Sorry for the shortness. I have something planned for the next chapter and I wanted to get started on it.**

**Thank you and please review. I'll update soon!**

* * *

Chapter 6 That's What Makes Us Strong

She was sitting in a room with other chemo patients. An IV was hooked into her arm and despite the horrors of chemo Regina felt great. Even if it was her first day on treatment she didn't feel sick like most of the women around her. She was sitting in a comfortable recliner, trying to avoid all the uneasy glances the women were shooting her way every now and then. There were only five of them and she briefly wondered if they had been like this during the 28 years of her curse. Did they suffer for so long because of her or had they develop the cancer after the curse was broken. She was so lost in her thoughts that she wasn't even paying attention to the open book in front of her and when that raspy voice next to her spoke up she couldn't help but slightly jump in her seat, the IV tube and needle digging painfully into her wrist.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," the voice chuckled and Regina turned her head to see a woman wearing a wig of brown curly hair pulled back into a ponytail. She was older and seemed to have a kind of life and soul in her brown eyes you only get when you've seen as much she has in a lifetime.

This person was talking to her.

Regina was so intrigued that this woman was talking to her that she didn't even notice herself staring. Usually the townspeople ignored or avoided her but here was this woman just talking to her as if they were lifelong friends.

"I didn't mean to startle you honey, I just asked if that was a good book you were reading," she said kindly, pulling Regina from her confused state.

"Oh, yes it is," Regina replied, her walls going up in order to cover up the fact that her guard had been down enough to be startled. Her voice was cold, her persona suddenly turning into the hard Mayor that she was.

"I'm Katya by the way but everyone calls me Kat. So what are you in for?" she asked and Regina took a breath in order to calm her annoyance. She felt uncomfortable and that feeling usually brought out the worst in her.

"That is none of your concern," Regina stated, her voice stern and her face emotionless. She didn't even realize the tight grip she had on her novel.

"This must be your first day," Kat observed, ignoring the rude words that had come from Regina's mouth. "I haven't seen you here before. You still have your hair and you don't seem to be sick yet. It's going to hit you real soon darling and when it does this whole tough charade won't matter anymore because you'll be too busy kneeling over the toilet."

"Why you insolent ingrate," Regina growled. "I'm not here to make friends. I'm not here to talk to any of you sick peasants. I'm only here to get what I need and ignore people like you."

"Why?" Kat asked, tilting her head in contemplation. "Is it because we remind you of how you sentenced us to 28 years of chemo or is it because in just a few weeks you're going to look just like us. Sick, weak, fragile, and vulnerable." Her words were calm with no hint of anger but they were true. Regina couldn't help but take one look at these women and see her future… weak.

"No, sick people like you disgust me," Regina snapped, getting up and signaling the nurse. She was done for today. She wasn't sitting here and listening to this woman.

"Madame Mayor, is something wrong," the nurse asked when she approached her.

"Get these tubes out of me," she ordered, ignoring the nurse's sudden worried expression. She started pulling at them, trying to take them out herself until the nurse stopped her, taking her shaking hands. She sat her back down and Regina was radiating with anger the moment the nurse touched her.

"You're barely an hour in. I can't let you leave otherwise the treatment won't be effective."

"This isn't a prison!" Regina snapped, expecting the other woman to recoil in fear but after years spent working with all kinds of patients, the nurse wasn't afraid of her.

"No, but for now you're my responsibility and I'm not letting you walk out of here until your treatment is done. Don't make me bring the restraints your highness."

Regina looked up at her, her eyes dangerously meeting the nurses until she finally relented. Having to be restrained would be humiliating and even though she was angry she knew she couldn't just leave. Jason would make her come right back to finish her chemo and she knew Snow and possibly her mother would too. She never did back down from the intense staring match because that would be a sign of weakness. The nurse must have took Regina's silence as defeat because she looked away with an irritated sigh, readjusted the needles and tubes in her wrist to make sure she didn't pull anything out and finally left Regina alone.

"You know," Kat's voice sounded through the heavy silence between them. "A person may look weak at times like this but really, they are stronger than they look. It's the fight that matters your highness. We may be sick but getting through it… that's what makes us strong."

* * *

Regina left the hospital feeling like she rode those spinning rides at a carnival all day. She literally felt sick to her stomach but as always she acted like everything was perfectly fine and let Jason lead her to the car.

"So I heard you gave the nurse a hard time," he stated as he started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. Regina was leaning against the window trying not to be sick. Now that she was alone with her husband and away from prying eyes, the mask was off and he could see how she bad she was truly feeling.

"I met someone during chemo," she confessed, ignoring his confrontation about the nurse.

"Cancer patient?" he asked and she nodded. He was surprised actually. Regina didn't make friends easily. In fact, with the town shunning her she was kind of a loner outside of her small circle of family.

"She told me something after I was a bit rude to her," she said and if she were facing him she would have seen the affectionate roll of his eyes. Of course his wife would snark her way through chemo. "She told me we may look sick, but really we are strong. Seeing all those women in there made me realize how much of me is going to change. It just made it seem more real. I have cancer and chemo is going to take my hair and I'll be weak because its cancer. Cancer doesn't make you strong, it makes you weak."

Her voice sounded so numb and disconnected as if she were preventing herself from feeling any kind of emotion so Jason pulled over and stopped the car. The silence that had followed was so thick and she didn't say a word or even look at him when he took off his seatbelt and got out of the car. He pulled opened her door and knelt down in front of her. He reached out when she didn't look at him, turning her chin so that her suddenly angry eyes met his. She was lashing out because she was angry. She knew Kat was right but she was too angry to admit it or even believe it because how could having cancer make you strong when it took everything.

"Hey, listen to me love. You are not weak. You are anything but weak and I know you know that. You are strong and you've heard it countless of times from me and Snow and Emma and even Cora. This cancer isn't going to take that away from you." The anger faded from her eyes and he could see every emotion that she was feeling. She was scared and the moment her lower lip trembled with the effort of holding in her tears he pulled her into his arms and held her. His hand held the back of her head, holding her to him as she cried into his neck.

"I got you Gina," he told her quietly, feeling her tight grip on his jacket as if she were afraid she would lose him if she lets go. Her body was shaking and all he could do was soothe her with words. He couldn't even stop the silent tears from sliding down his own cheeks. He could hear his brother's voice in the back of his mind telling him men didn't cry but at the moment he didn't care. He hardly ever cried but right now he was because Regina was sick and she was terrified and so was he. He couldn't lose her and if she didn't have the strength to be strong at the end then he would be strong for both of them.


	8. Chapter 7 Still My Gina

**You might need some tissues with this...**

* * *

Chapter 7 Still My Gina

The horrors of chemo… anemia, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, weight lost. Regina was feeling all of this just a few weeks after she started treatment. There were also neuropathy symptoms which had to do with her nerves. Her hands felt weak and her feet felt like lead making it difficult to walk. Her hands were shaky and her muscles were achy and sore. She was just so tired all the time and this was exactly the point that Emma was trying to make as she sat with Regina in her office. Jason had been trying to convince her for the past couple of days to take time off from work but Regina was stubborn and had refused to give up her job. Now she was paying the price for she had nearly passed out during her monthly meeting with the town council. It was Emma that had noticed her sudden pale complexion and shaking hands as she went over the last few issues and when Regina finally adjourned the meeting she and David quickly followed her out into the hall.

David had just managed to steady her before she could collapse and gently lowered her to the floor where he and Emma kept her from losing consciousness. She had refused the offer of calling an ambulance and so David and Emma helped her back to her office where she was now lying on the couch. Her color was coming back and she no longer looked as if she were going to pass out. David was out in the hall calling Jason and making sure that no one came in. The town of course didn't know about the cancer except for the hospital staff and her assistant Katie. It would only be a matter of a time before word got out. Everyone will know soon and it made her anxious. The once feared and powerful Evil Queen was sick and possibly even dying if she didn't get to remission. That potion Gold gave her was her only hope and all she needed to do was fight.

"Here, drink some water," Emma said. She was kneeling beside Regina and gently brought the water bottle to her lips. If her hands weren't shaking so much she would have refused Emma's help but right now she couldn't even bother to care. Emma lifted her head slightly off the couch and after she took a generous sip Emma pulled it away and set the bottle on the small side table. No one noticed the strands of dark hair coming lose when Emma carefully set Regina's head down before pulling her hand away.

"You need to take it easy," Emma said, her voice hoarse from their argument. She was upset that Regina was overdoing it and they had fought about it the moment she and David had laid the small woman on the couch. Regina had lost so much weight in such a short amount time and it made her frame look small and frail.

"Like I said before Ms. Swan, this isn't your decision to make," Regina retorted angrily, her brown eyes flashing. The humiliation of needing help only fed to her anger and her cold mayoral mask was up.

"Regina, drop the act!" she suddenly snapped as she rose to her feet. "You almost passed out out there. You're sick and you need to take it easy. You cannot be running this town when you need to take care of yourself right now. God, Regina… I mean have you even eaten or take your meds yet?"

"The meds make me feel worse…" Her voice was soft as if the fight had suddenly gone out of her and Emma saw the hardness leaving her eyes. She knew Emma was right but she just couldn't bring herself to give up her job. It was who was and she needed this kind of control over her life since she couldn't even control her own body anymore. Right now it was all she had left of normalcy.

Emma's shoulders slumped, her irritation fading as she began to realize was this was about. She moved to the desk for Regina's purse and pulled out the orange pill bottles. "Have you eaten yet?" she asked, her tone more gentle than what it had been only moments before.

"Dry toast this morning but I couldn't keep it down," Regina replied as she slowly sat up and leaned heavily against the cushions. Emma turned and brought the pills to Regina, popping open the lid and placing the capsules in her shaking hand. Regina didn't even protest when Emma helped her with the water bottle again.

"Look Regina," Emma sighed as she sat next to her. "You're right, no can force you to take leave but skipping meals and not taking your medication on time can't happen again. You need to take care of yourself, that's the only way you'll have control. Over working yourself isn't a way to get it because then you'll be passing out in all your meetings…"

"Emma…" Regina started to say, her eyes flashing with annoyance for the blunt words.

"No, listen to me. If you want to stick around long enough to do your job and be my pain in the ass boss then you need to take it easy and take care of yourself. That's the kind of control you need because the way you're getting it now… Regina, you're going to put yourself in the hospital."

Regina rolled her eyes and Emma gave her that smirk she got whenever she won one of their arguments. "Come on, you know I'm right and I'm pretty sure Jason is going to give you the same lecture when he gets here. He's been telling you to take it easy for days now."

Regina pursed her lips and Emma threw up her hands as she stood. "God, you're so stubborn," she said as she moved to the minifridge and pulled out the lunch Regina had neglected. The chicken salad Katie had brought from Granny's an hour before the meeting was now cold but it would have to do.

"I could feed myself," Regina grumbled when Emma had opened the container and stabbed the fork into a few pieces of lettuce.

"Then have at it your majesty," Emma said, carefully placing the fork in Regina's still trembling hand. She could barely even lift the fork to her lips but she was too stubborn to let Emma help her and so they fell into a tense silence as Regina struggled to eat. When she had eaten less than half there was a knock on the door and Jason entered, his concern evident on his face.

"Hey, David called me and told me you nearly passed out," he said coming over to her. He greeted Emma and sat on Regina's other side. "Are you ok?" His eyes roamed her body, checking for any injuries.

"I'm fine. He caught me before I could even hit the floor," she told him, unable to meet his eyes. She knew he was going to be disappointed in her and she just didn't want to see it.

"I'm gonna let you two talk," she heard Emma say and when the sheriff finally left the room Jason gently lifted her chin, his thumb rubbing small circles on her skin. She looked into his eyes and she knew he wanted to know the truth.

"I've been over doing it," she murmured, her voice filled with shame as Emma's words finally began to hit home. How could she be so careless when she had her family and her health to think about.

"What do you want to do?" he asked. Jason knew she had been overworking herself lately and as much as they fought about it he knew he couldn't force her to give up her job. Being the mayor was part of who she was. Being here took her mind off of everything and distracted her from the disease invading her body. It was her only source of normalcy left and he knew he couldn't just take that away from her.

"I don't want to leave but…" She sighed, taking a moment to breathe before continuing. She took both of Jason's hands in her and met his gaze, steeling herself for what she was about to do. "Emma's right and you're right and I just… I think it's time for me to step down." This was killing her but if she felt this bad right now from the stress of one meeting then honestly, she didn't think she'd be able to continue working.

"You know you don't have to do this so soon," he told her. "You could cut your hours and then later work at home before stepping down." He was trying to reason with her because even though he wanted her to step down, he couldn't stand the fact that she was losing a part of herself. This town that she had taken so much pride in and all the work she had put in to redeeming herself as mayor was something she had worked so hard for. It didn't deserve to be dropped so easily.

"I know but it'll be harder for me to give it up," she whispered, trying to get him to understand. She felt sick all the time. Her energy levels were gone and her hands shook when the stress became too much. As much as she loathed the idea of admitting Emma was right, she knew it wasn't healthy to keep going like this. If she was going to make it to remission, she needed to give herself a chance. Jason seemed to understand because he kissed her lips, his hand caressing her cheek when he pulled away to look at her.

"I'm proud of you," he said softly, knowing it wasn't often Regina admitted she was wrong. She suddenly became shy because she had never heard those words as often as she should. She looked away then and was glad when Jason had the sense to not call her out on it. Instead, he picked up the barely eaten salad and placed it on her lap. Her hands were still trembling but he knew Regina's pride could only take so much in one day. So instead of helping her, he gave her the space and time she needed to finish eating.

* * *

Regina had gone home after that, deciding to take care of her leave of absence requirements the next day. She already had somebody in mind that would be replacing her until she was able to return. Jason had stayed home with her and got her to rest until it was time to go over to Snow's for dinner. The house was already decorated for Christmas which was only a few weeks away. The house smelled of freshly baked gingerbread cookies that Snow had made for dessert. Regina still couldn't seem to get over how domesticated this all looked and felt. It wasn't that long ago where she had been alone and hating the very people she now called family.

She was watching everyone as they sat in the living room and had Mario Kart tournaments. It was the Charmings versus the Halliwells/Mills and so far Henry was beating everyone, putting his team at the top. David and Emma were on one team while Jason, Ivy and Henry were on the other. Regina was sitting this game out and was instead sitting on the recliner holding a sleeping Avery in her arms. Everyone else was spread out on the couch and various chairs. Snow who was in the kitchen cleaning up the last of the dishes, approached her from behind and reached down to brush the blonde's curls from her son's eyes.

"He's an angel like this isn't he?" Snow asked and Regina hummed in response, her thoughts taking her to a time when Henry been this little and she had carried him as he slept. Snow walked around the recliner and lifted her sleeping two year old in her arms. Regina stood and followed Snow to the loft that had become Avery's bedroom. She watched from the doorway as Snow laid him in his bed and kissed him goodnight.

It wasn't until Snow looked up to see the small smile barely gracing Regina's lips as she watched through the dim lighting from the lamp on the nightstand.

"Regina, are you ok?" she asked, curious as to what was going on inside of her stepmother's head. Regina nodded, suddenly snapping back to reality and she moved so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed by Avery's feet.

"I was just thinking of Henry when he this little. He was so young and such a happy baby and I would carry him as he slept. He was beautiful Snow and he was oblivious to the horrid truths of this world. If only they could stay this young and this happy where nothing can hurt them." Her voice was low and calm and Snow knew this had to do with the subject that had been avoided all night.

Regina's cancer.

"The fact that he just woke up one day and found out one of his mother's is sick… No child should have to experience this. I didn't want this for him or for Ivy."

"I know Regina," Snow said, reaching out and taking her hand. "I've seen the way he's been walking around… He isn't handling this too well. He hasn't been himself." These words were true because ever since Regina had told Henry about her diagnoses, he's been sullen and distant. He was depressed even, more so than the time he had found out he was adopted.

"Maybe I should have him see Archie," Regina said because there were probably things Henry needed to get off of his chest that he wouldn't want her to know and she would respect that.

"And maybe Regina you could talk to Archie too," Snow said cautiously, not quite knowing what kind of reaction to expect from the former Queen. Maybe the mask would go up. Maybe she would hide behind those walls that were so hard to break down. Snow didn't know if Regina would emotionally retreat because when it came to this kind of subject Regina always tried to prove she wasn't weak. Instead though, Regina's eyes soften and it was then that Snow felt like she was looking into the eyes of an old soul. Regina had changed so much and now instead of retreating into herself and snapping back with hurtful words of denial, she was accepting Snow's advice. No longer was she that woman who hid behind a tough and sometimes even cruel exterior.

"I'll look into it," she whispered, her hand suddenly reaching out and lacing her fingers with Snow's.

* * *

Regina was nearly asleep on her feet by the time Jason pulled into the driveway that night. The meds and the chemo took most of her energy and right now was no exception. He helped her to the front door while Ivy ran ahead with keys to unlock the door. It wasn't until the middle of the night did Regina wake up again to use the restroom and when she was done she looked at her reflection, hating the way the cancer and the chemo made her look. She was pale and thin with dark circles under her eyes. Her hair was thinning…

She combed her fingers though her short dark locks and her loud cry had Jason running into the bathroom.

"Regina!" He stopped by the opened doorway to see his wife breaking down with thick strands of hair in the palm of her shaking hand. They knew she was going to lose her hair at some point but they didn't talk about it and they didn't think it would be this soon.

Her knees buckled and he was quick to catch her, holding her from behind and wrapping his arms around her as if he were grounding her to the here and now. She cried hysterically, her whole body shaking and when she reached up to comb her fingers through her hair again, more strands began to fall, tickling her legs and feet on the way down.

"You're beautiful Gina," Jason told her through her shuddering sobs. "You're still my wife and I love still you. You're still my Gina. You're still you." She pulled away then, her tears still streaming down her cheeks. She opened the medicine cabinet where her many pill bottles lined the shelves. She grabbed Jason's electric shaver and turned to look at him and he knew what she was asking before she even said it.

"Cut it off, all of it."

"Regina, maybe you should wait a few more days," he told her, trying to reason with her but she simply stepped up to him, forcing his hands to take the shaver.

"Wait for what?" she snapped, her voice full of emotion for she was still crying. The tears were still rapidly sliding down her cheeks and her shuddering breaths could be heard in the stillness of the cold bathroom. "Wait till my hair keeps falling out all over the damn place until I'm bald! Just cut it Jason! Please get rid of it before I wake up one morning to find it all over my pillow!"

"I'm not cutting your hair Regina. You still have time before you lose it all." His voice was full of frustration brought on by her shouting and she seemed to realize this. Her eyes softened and she brought her hands to his face, cupping both sides of his face in an attempt to calm her husband.

"This cancer is taking so much from me but this, I will take myself," she whispered, placing a sweet kiss on his lips before touching his forehead with hers. He lost it then, his eyes welling up with tears of his own and even if he tried hard to hold them back he couldn't stop a few from sliding down his cheeks. Regina let go and without a word she turned so that she was facing the mirror. He met her eyes though their reflection and with a nod of encouragement from her he flipped on the switch.

The electric buzzing from the shaver seemed to ricochet off the walls.

He looked down at her hair, his fingers combing through dark locks and when he pulled away thick clumps fell to the ground. Memories of past nights and mere moments flashed in his mind from when he would watch her sleep and comb his fingers through her soft hair… moments from where he would catch himself reaching out to smooth loose strands from her face.

He combed his fingers through her thinning locks once more as if he were trying to memorize the feel and texture. She closed her eyes at his ministrations, feeling the thick clumps of hair tickling the back of her legs on the way down.

"Jason," she whispered through tears, her voice suddenly sounding so small and vulnerable. That seemed to snap him back into action because she felt his grip tightened on a lock of hair and then she felt the vibration of metal against her scalp.

"Keep your eyes close," she heard him say and she wasn't sure if it was because he didn't want her to see her hair being shaved away or because he didn't want her to see him cry. Either way she kept her eyes close even when she felt the hair tickling her legs as they pooled around their feet.

It seemed like a lifetime but really it was only moments when her head felt lighter… when her scalp felt naked against the cold air. The shaver was finally turned off and she knew it was over. However, before she could open her eyes to look at her reflection Jason quickly turned her around and she buried her face into his neck.

"Tomorrow," he whispered in her ear as she started to sob again, his own voice hoarse with grief. "Look tomorrow."

She couldn't stop the shuddering heartbroken sobs enough to answer but she didn't need to. He knew she agreed and so he picked her up in his arms. He could feel her hands tightly gripping his shirt as he moved to the bedroom and lied her on her side of the bed. He got in with her and held her tightly as she cried, whispering the same words he had told her only minutes ago.

"You're beautiful love. You're still you…still my Gina."

"It's all gone," she said, her voice low and devastated. He kissed her neck, pulling her closer if it were even possible.

"And I still love you just the same."


End file.
